WHY LONG DISTANT RELATIONSHIPS SUCK • LOVE, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

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Whilst others may think we are crazy trying to make a long distance relationship work or even think about being in a relationship whilst at university, my boyfriend and I have both discussed in lengths the possibilities and opportunities we could have being single, although none were options we wanted to consider. If you both believe it will work then it will, if you have doubts it will slowly fizzle out and the spark that you have will go out because you’re not putting in the commitment that comes with a relationship – especially a long distance one.

My boyfriend and I have an ‘interesting’ history to say the least. The short story is that we liked each other pretty much all through high school, then after the age of 15 and 16, we didn’t see each other for three years and then the night before my 19^th birthday he turned up at my flat in London and it was as though the three years had melted away. We pretty much fell in love there and then and all before he went away to be a professional cyclist in Greece and I went off travelling around Tanzania. After many Skype calls and trying to communicate between time zones he quit his job abroad and decided to study a Masters in Biochemistry at a top Russell Group University rather than carrying on his job overseas; and that was how we ended up in a relationship. In a complicated nutshell that is.

I asked my boyfriend if he considered us in a ‘long distant’ relationship, as to me the term does not define the relationship based on miles alone, it is defined by the hours it takes to get to each other, the distance, the cost of getting there, the amount of time you can physically see one another, the time spent talking on the phone, Facebook, Skype or whatever it is needed to contact them.

His response of “I would definitely say we are in a long distance relationship” made me smile, as he went on to explain that it made our limited amount of time together all the more special, to which I nodded knowing that missing each other makes seeing them at the station all the more exciting. My heart pounds with anticipation as I reach the final stop on the just over three hour journey and I know that I get to see Connor. His life of cycling training, mountaineering and rock climbing in between lectures and lab sessions as well as his politics, debating and finance and business classes makes it easier to pass time between our weekends together. My life of fitness sessions, charity work, business talks from fashion industry specialists, photo shoots, university, events organizing and fundraising keeps me busy in the meanwhile.

However that doesn’t mask the fact that we only get to spend two proper days together before he has to leave, or that the whole last day has a dark cloud looming over it that these are the final hours, or that minute I leave his I miss him and the train is still stood at the station waiting to leave. I wouldn’t say it’s hard work because we both want to make the ‘effort’ to make it work and we both call, text, whatsapp, skype and facebook each other every day, we both alternate between seeing each other and we make sure we plan a cute and fun thing to do together on the weekends we see each other. We make effort in the ways in which we dress, the romantic messages we leave for each other so when they wake up or get in and turn on their wifi there’s a little something from the other to say how much we love and appreciate them. Nothing is taken for granted. But it still sucks that we can’t physically cuddle up at the end of a long day when we are tired and want the comfort of the other persons warmth and smell.

Yes it’s expensive to see each other, and yes two weeks in between visits is a long time for most of our friends who get to be with their boyfriends and girlfriends on a daily basis if they want and yes it does involve a lot of trust and respect of the other person and accepting and adapting to each others timetables, but that’s what makes Connor and I work so well – acceptance. I wouldn’t change a thing about him and I love our relationship exactly how it is. I just wish I could see him when I wanted and not because we’ve had to map out our year by how both our schedules work and when my diary has his name written on the date I get to hold him. We don’t fight or argue, because there’s nothing to fight or argue about. We are just so happy to finally be with each other we don’t waste a second that we are together. It’s always a perfect weekend of romantic dates, fun days out and lovely evenings. I wouldn’t say that means our ‘honeymoon period’ is necessarily longer; it just feels it because the time we are together is very drawn out in terms of months. But the key to making it work is communication and trust.

Like any relationship, long distance or not, with out trust and communication, it will fail. End of story. I trust Connor with my absolute life, I know he would never do anything to hurt me or cheat on me when he’s on a night out or knows he’s away from me for two weeks. He also knows I wouldn’t even think to be with someone else, I don’t even look at other guys because I am perfectly happy with him and he is the only person I want. Again end of story.

 So whilst it may suck being apart for more of your relationship than you are we each other, if you think it’s worth it, it will be so rewarding in the long run.

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Labels: love , relationships , sex